I Wish My Husband Never Retired

Jack and Diane have been married for forty-three years. Jack is seventy-one and Diane sixty-eight. They have three children and seven grandchildren.

Diane works four days a week in a local business because she likes the patter. Her wage is just a bit of pocket money. Her three days off are filled with grandchildren, lunches with friends, pilates, plus the usual home maintenance.

Diane is the sort of lady who is either doing something or thinking of what she’ll be doing next.

Jack retired about six years ago to get a hip replacement and according to Diane, it was the biggest mistake of his life.

Before he retired, Jack was the manager of a hardware store for thirty-six years. He was a ‘chippy’ by trade which made him a hand-in-glove fit for the job.

But more importantly, the shop was his ‘network’. He knew exactly what the older builders wanted and what the younger builders needed, and they loved him for it.

But Jack severely underestimated one thing; his job fed his soul. It gave him meaning and purpose.

I’ve Done My Bit
After he got fitted with a new hip, Jack took six months off to get back on his feet again.

Sadly, to help justify doing nothing, he joined the most dangerous club of all in retirement…

The, “I’ve done my bit” club.

It’s a nasty club, capable of ruining people’s lives, especially marriages. It’s like an invisible wrecking ball.

Jack was no exception.

Here’s why…

Jack did nothing for the first six months of retirement because he had a ‘good excuse’. But very soon that six month ‘holiday’ became a home and Jack stayed there, eventually doing less and less every week until he was doing nothing.

He then started getting up late, walking around the house in his boxers, and not having anything planned for the day.

He just filled his time eating, sleeping, watching TV and having meaningless conversations.

Worst of all, he started invading Diane’s space around the house and it drove her nuts!

And then his mental state declined and his desire to do stuff began to fall away, as did the intimacy between he and Diane.

So, what happened to Jack?

Put simply, within the space of two years… Jack went from being a steering wheel to a spare tyre.

The purpose in his life had been bled dry.

He now has diabetes, depression, and a marriage that’s grown further apart.

And while Dianne’s week is filled with work, pilates, friends, and grandchildren, her heart pines for more.

She often wonders what happened to their retirement plans of doing stuff together, rather than just living together?

Secretly, Dianne wished her husband never retired.

I often wonder how many of those builders would love to hear his voice again, get an opinion, just one day a week. Or what if he rocked up to a building site one lunch just to say ‘hi’!

And then there are the knock-on effects because his situation has created tremendous concern for their children as well. The kids are worried about Diane and angry with Jack.

“I’ve done my bit” becomes a very selfish way of being. It starts as a holiday and morphs into a new way of being.