Merry Crypto

A merchant rode into a village littered with stray monkeys and offered the locals $100 per monkey.

Everyone thought he was crazy except two blokes.

The two blokes took up the challenge and presented the merchant with a monkey each, and he immediately gave them a $100 per head.

They couldn’t believe it!

So they tried their luck again.

And bingo! Again, the merchant gave them $100 for each monkey.

Word began to spread and more villagers began to chance their hand.

A few days later the merchant increased his offer to $200 per monkey and the villagers were beside themselves. Even the local lazies had a go.

The stray monkeys had now become a ‘thing’.

And then the merchant increased his offer to $500 per monkey and the whole town went wild!

Everyone was lining their pockets with cash.

And then a few days later, the merchant made an announcement.

He said he’d be leaving town for a week but when he returned, he’d be increasing his offer to $1,000 per monkey!

The village went berserk, and their greed grew again.

Immediately, people dropped everything in search of more monkeys, but very soon there were none left because the demand for monkeys was now white-hot.

So the merchant’s assistant made an offer. He told the locals they could buy the monkeys off him for $700 each and then sell them back to the merchant for $1,000 per head when he returned.

Again, they couldn’t believe their luck and the whole town erupted!

There was blood on the streets as people fought with each other, desperate to buy more monkeys.

Everyone wanted to win BIG!

And then the next morning the assistant was nowhere to be found and the merchant never returned to the village.

Now, if you think this ponzi scheme is a joke, that’s what I think of crypto currencies.

And just hear me out crypto huggers before you smash reply.

In my world, you wouldn’t know it’s Christmas because everyone just wants to talk about crypto and why it’s a ‘thing’.

But here’s the problem. Like the monkey market, its totally unregulated, it doesn’t produce anything, and it has zero intrinsic value. i.e. you can’t value it.

But according to the crypto commentators, that doesn’t matter because crypto is ‘different’. It’s a digitalised currency.

Really! What do you think electronic banking is?

If it wasn’t for electronic transfers and credit cards, we would have been screwed during lockdown.

But this is where I disagree with most of the punters trading crypto…

They assume there will always be a buyer dumb enough to offer a higher price for their crypto than what they paid for it. Just like the monkeys.

But wait, it gets better. If Bitcoin was a nation, it would be the 55th largest consumer of energy on the planet because of the power required to mine its coins.

The problem is, Bitcoin is just one of 7,800 crypto currencies.

But bugger the environment. Greed first, green second. The hypocrisy of some is breathtaking.

This time four years ago, Bitcoin hit $20,000 and when I suggested in our 2017 Christmas Moowsletter that it wouldn’t last, I got absolutely eviscerated on social media.

The comments were just as vile as when I argued for franking credits a few years ago.

And then, six weeks later in early 2018, Bitcoin dropped like a stone to $9,000 before it bottomed out at $3,000.

And it will happen again.

Last Saturday it dropped 20% in a day (and rebounded) because it got spooked by Omicron. Folded like a deck chair it did.

Crypto is no longer a ‘thing’. Instead it’s morphed into a manic, self-fulfilling prophecy driven by rumour and scuttlebutt.

If 2021 was all about the year of FOMO (fear of missing out), then 2022 will be about JOMO (joy of missing out).

The market for monkeys will not last and most of them will disappear within the next three years.

To that end, may I wish you and your family a very happy Christmas and thankyou for your readership during the year.

All the best,

Adam

Back paddock – if you’re sick of this rain, just think about the fires which ripped through the east coast of Australia two years ago. Mud’s better than dust.