The Fine Art Of Brotherly Love

A few years ago I got a call from a mate of mine. Nothing urgent. He just wanted to chat. It was also a phone call I will remember for a very long time to come.

Growing up, all Sam wanted to do was be a farmer. But not just any farmer, a great one. Ironically, at school he never studied agriculture. Instead he went for stuff like physics, chemistry and economics. And he nailed every one of them.

He looked like he was off course but he was bang on target.

After completing an Ag Science degree at Uni (with honors) Sam returned home to the family farm down in the far south west region of NSW. For the years that followed, he and his brother bought neighboring properties in the depths of drought or whenever the bottoms dropped out of the wheat and sheep markets.

They bought when everyone was selling and eventually they turned a five thousand acre farm into a twenty thousand acre grass castle.

And just as his dream was beginning to materialise, the two brothers split. Kaput. Finished. Over.

I couldn’t believe it.

Brothers In Arms
Although disappointed, Sam was quick to tell me they hadn’t fallen out, they just wanted to go in different directions. In fact, his brother decided he didn’t want to do farming anymore. He was tired of living on a bank overdraft and little sleep, despite their success.

Interestingly, Sam shared a piece of research with me he stumbled upon during the settlement of the break-up. He learnt that it was not uncommon for brothers (of farming families) to break-up around the age of forty, usually on very acrimonious terms.

Fortunately Sam and his brother remained good mates, probably because Sam had an equity agreement written up from the very outset in case anything ever happened. It also protected each other’s families too.

Brothers At Arms
At around the same time, not far from where I grew up, I had just learnt of something far more heart wrenching involving two other brothers.

Their Dad died at a very early age and so their Mum held onto the farm until the boys were old enough to leave school and take over. As you would expect, growing up without a Dad and managing a farm together brought the boys very close. They epitomised ‘my brothers keeper’ better than anyone. It’s all they had.

And then one fateful night the boys had one of the most bitter fall-outs I have ever heard of and they have never spoken since. That was almost ten years ago.

The Fall-out
It’s alleged the cause was one of the brother’s wives who believed she was entitled to something that wasn’t hers and everything went south from there. Naturally one brother took sides with his wife and the rift between the boys went from a crack to a canyon.

It’s quite sad really, because right up until their late thirties these two guys were closer than two coats of paint. Even as recently as last Saturday when I drove past their farm, I still couldn’t help but wonder ‘why’ they couldn’t reconcile? But sometimes it just goes that way, unfortunately. Both of them are terrific blokes too.

I really feel for their Mum as well because she lost her husband forty plus years ago and now she has two sons at war with each other. She’s such a lovely lady too, honest and decent. Real country type. I hope for her sake she doesn’t carry this mess to her grave.

Speaking of which…

Your Estate
For reasons that confound me, I am amazed at the number of people who remain intestate (no Will). And before I go any further, this Moowsletter is not written within anyone in mind. I promise. The idea was sparked by last weekend’s drive-by.

One of the reasons (excuses) I often hear parents not getting a Will done is because, “…our children are very close and would never fight over stuff like that”.

That maybe so, but do you know their spouses?

And if your child is in a relationship, defacto or married, remember they’re a spouse too. No family is better than the other. Potential abounds and surrounds us all.

An Observation
The first family were close but not watertight and Sam realised this early on. So he put steps in place just in case it all went pear shaped.

The second family were one of the closest I have ever seen and like everyone else, assumed it would always remain that way. In the end, their closeness became their weakness, sad as it seems.

Obviously the second family could not have prevented their situation with a Will. My point is this, no family is impervious to acrimony, no matter how close they are. Especially when siblings approximate the age of forty or thereafter.

Ironically, the families who usually have their estates sorted are blended families, probably because they’ve been through the pain of dividing assets with a former spouse and they don’t want their children to go through the same thing.

If you loathe the idea of your children going from bothers in arms to brothers at arms, do them a favour and get your estate sorted.

Have a great weekend!

Adam